Already Paid

We have all been asked to pay for something that we may or may not have received or even asked for. Sometimes this can cause us great suffering. Sometimes we “pay” for mistakes we have made. Sometimes we “pay” for others mistakes and this can also cause pain  We have all messed up and have been faced with the situation to either own what we did or we may try and ignore what happened. This could be for many different reasons, fear, shame, guilt, or maybe some people have difficulty admitting a mistake. I’m sure very few of us have ever run into someone that has a difficult time apologizing. 🙂 Maybe we all struggle with this at times. Maybe we “pay” emotionally over and over for stuff we didn’t do. Emotional struggles can cloud these situations, OCD especially.

It’s common for someone with OCD to apologize or feel the need to confess to others. Often the person has not done anything wrong but the OCD bully wants to get paid, paid with more compulsions and rituals. The apologies, confessions, and undeserving guilt just continue to feed the OCD monster. These apologies and confessions can become nothing more than just another ritual to feed the OCD. The OCD bully survives on us “paying” with compulsions and rituals. Have we not suffered enough? We all have suffered at some point in our lives, some more than others. It’s obviously not a competition and I encourage others to take care of their emotional health and to be a support for others who may be suffering. Living with OCD can cause great suffering, I am speaking from many years experience. We often wake up and go to bed giving the OCD what it wants. It can be relentless and doesn’t deserve our time and energy. Let us remember that we didn’t ask for OCD, the bully doesn’t care, it will still try to knock you to your knees. I encourage you to take care of yourself and to do your best to not let this coward run your life. It’s robbed us of precious time, it wants to get paid, daily. It’s so easy to get on that compulsion train, and we know slowing down a train takes work. Working with a therapist who specializes in OCD can be a huge help.

You and I have made mistakes, but no amount of guilt, rituals, obsessions, fear, or anger will change anything in the past. We can own it, apologize if needed, and try to move on with our lives. OCD tells us a pack of lies, daily, and it’s easy to get tripped up and to feel as if we did something wrong. The good news is that we can learn to live, to truly live our lives, when we face the bully head on. The bully will try to get it’s weak little hands on us. It thinks it can take up residence in our mind and control our waking moments. It wants to us to pay the fees of rituals and compulsions so that we can feel “okay” or “just right.” OCD can be heartbreaking and exhausting, for the person suffering, as well as their loved ones who are involved. When the bully shows up, let’s continue to remind it that we have “ALREADY PAID.” Let’s continue to let it go broke and starve by not giving it what it wants, our time and energy. Please hang in there.

Jeremy Rudd