Father. Time.

Today is the 2 year anniversary of my father’s death. It’s difficult to articulate the range of emotions that go along with this grief, as many of you know. We only have so much time on this planet. If we can lean into spending our time in areas we care about, we tend to spend less regrettable time.

I wish I had more time with my Dad, this is a huge understatement. We know these familiar experiences of grief. We often would do anything for one more conversation, hug, laugh, etc. We hear the often repeated reminder of us telling our loved ones that we love and appreciate them because we never know how much time we have left. There is a lot of truth in cliches. We can often help ourselves manage these emotional demons by keeping things “simple”, and reminding ourselves of what we truly value.

We all have something to offer. Among many things, my dad offered kindness to strangers and a sense of humor. When I am in a dark spot, I miss being able to laugh with my dad.


We all miss you. I will continue to think of your genuine spirit as I lean into helping others and trying to do the best I can with what I have. You and I were a pretty good team. We helped each other battle difficulties in life. Thank you for helping me battle the darkness of depression and OCD in your own way. For this I am forever grateful. I hope to see you again.


One thought on “Father. Time.”

  1. I hope you and your dad get to see each other again – when the roll is called up yonder. We can have some comfort in knowing he is no longer suffering – and he was truly suffering. Not only in a physical way, but in a mental way. He was used to being capable and loving life. His last 2 years took that away. I have struggled to forget those last few years and hope I have forgiven him. I have asked God to forgive me for my failures during this time. It’s easy to get caught up in “me” and I feel like I’m past that now. The wonderful thing about time is this: the good remains with us and grows and expands to fill our memories and push out any negative things that were there before. So concentrate on those good things. You will be fine. You have that big Rudd man-heart.

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